An attempt at humor...

You've probably gotten one of those emails where somebody asks you to answer the questions to let them get to know you. Well, I kept a copy of one where I replied because I thought it was funny. I don't know, maybe you will too.

Welcome to the 2005 edition of getting to know your friends.

1. What time did you get up this morning? 5:00....5:05....5:10....5:15....5:20...dang snooze alarm.

2. Diamonds or Pearls? Whatever. Diamonds I guess. At least you use them in tools. Although pearl inlay on guitars is cool.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? The Passion of the Christ – awesome film. Should be required viewing for everyone on the planet. Or maybe it was Pirates of the Caribbean. I don’t go to the movies much since the price passed 5$. I was going to gripe about the cost, but before we even get there, let’s consider content. Most movies DON”T HAVE ANY, other than liberal brainwash ideals.

4. What is your favorite TV show? CSI. The original one. I used to think the Miami one was a cheap knockoff, until they came out with CSI NY. Now, the Miami one looks pretty good. Leave it to CBS to run a good thing into the ground. Take NBC’s Law & Order, then add an even bigger sniveling leading actor and viola: CSI NY!! I can’t wait til they have CSI Sligo. (Sligo is a little burg a few miles from where I used to live in Ohio with about 30 or 40 people.) Which shouldn’t be long because we’ve got the NCIS (see above comment about sniveling actors or should it be serial killers?) and a host of other knockoffs. Just wait until they make a reality show with this. Ooooh, real dead guys. Yuk.

5. What did you have for breakfast ? A chocolate donut, a pkg of cheese crackers and a Pepsi. I’m on a diet. I lost my Pez dispenser.

6. What is your middle name? Lee. Let’s see, who was famous with that name? General Robert E. Lee. Gentleman general of the south. John Lee Hooker, great early blues man. That’s a good one. Lee Harvey Oswald. General dufus man. Oh well, maybe not a good idea to pursue....

7. What is your favorite cuisine? I have 2 favs: Hot & Cold. Except for the following: mincemeat pie, raisin pie and cooked spinach. I realize the taste of all of these is radically different, but the taste isn’t the main thing, it’s the texture. They’re all kind of a slimy goop. Well, the mincemeat tastes like glop too. Oh, and who said it was ok to eat bleu cheese? That ain’t just bad cheese, it’s bad cheese with extreme attitude problems. Oh and speaking of texture food problems, try 1000 island dressing. These can all elicit the ol gag reflex on my account.

8. What foods do you dislike? See above. I REALLY dislike food made from animal intestinal parts. What were these people thinking? They eat brains too. This is messed up. Do they eat brains cause it’ll make ‘em smarter? Come on. Think about it. The animal uses it’s intestines to hold the food it eats so it can digest it in it’s own good time. If the animal doesn’t digest it’s own stomach, what makes you think we can?????

9. What is your favorite chip flavor? Chipotle. But not the one that leaves 3^rd degree burns on the backside the next day.

10. What is your favorite CD at the moment? Skillet – Collide. Rocks. Kicks butt rock. And it’s Christian!

11. What type of car do your drive? Saturn L300

12. Favorite sandwich: Fresh rye bread, ample quantities of meat, a little lettuce, tomato and miracle whip. Not mayo. Remember the gag reflex? Uh huh.

13. What characteristic do you despise? Anti-Christianity. [I was going to put a link to the aclu, but I just can't bring myself to do so.]

14. Favorite item of clothing? One that fits.

15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Somewhere that doesn’t need me to do mow grass, shovel snow or other types of yard work. And taking out the trash. And weeding the garden.

16. What color is your bathroom? White. The floor has little rose colored diamond tiles in it. The throw rug and towels match it’s color. The sink is a darkened oak. The shower curtain has birds and flowers of the same coloration of the rug and towels. And orange ladybugs. About 5 trillion of them.

17. Favorite brand of clothing? I can tell you it NOT Wal-Mart. Jerks don’t have pants with long enough legs. They used to because I bought 2 pair last year and now they don’t have ANY. Jerks.

18. Where would you retire? Somewhere that doesn’t need me to do mow grass, shovel snow or other types of yard work. And taking out the trash. And weeding the garden.

19. Favorite time of day? Any time not at work. Or about 9:23 am on Wednesday. That’s when the nice lady from HR brings me my paycheck.

20. What was your most memorable birthday? I don’t remember one for me per se, but one time we put those candles on mom’s cake that you can’t blow out. She hyperventilated and almost peed herself. Set off the smoke alarm too. Got that on film. And another time, for my niece’s first birthday she got her own chocolate birthday cake, with lots of luscious creamy chocolate icing. My sister and I held my brother and his wife back while she ate it. Then we cleaned up the kitchen and dining room.

21. Where were you born? In the hospital at Middletown Ohio. The very same one that 38 years later let my grandfather fall out of his bed right after a stroke and smash his face on the floor. They wouldn’t let me talk to the nurse that day.

22. Favorite sport to watch? Sometimes it’s Nascar, sometimes it’s demo derby. It’s got speed, it’s got crashing. Oh yeah! Maybe that’s why I like to drive to work some days. I try not to participate in the crashing part.

23. Who do you least expect to send this back to you? President Bush. What does he care? He’s got a few problems to deal with right now.

24. Person you expect to send it back first? Failed presidential candidate Kerry cause he served in ‘Nam, dangit. And he doesn’t do much in the senate. He’s got the time.

25. Coke or Pepsi? Pepsi.

26. Are you a morning person or night owl? I’m more of an elephant in the room that everybody tries to ignore.

27. Do you have any pets? One wonderful little dog named Oakley and 3 spiteful little demons from hell, otherwise known as cats.

28. Any new and exciting news you would like to share with your family and friends? The album came out in December. It’s called Looking up. Go to http://www.hosannaag.net/ and click on sermons and music. Download the song. Check it out and tell me what you think. If you like it, order one!

29. What did you want to be when you were little? President.